I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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