Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
