why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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