Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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