I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
