Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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