i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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