I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
