I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
