nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
