another moral hangover. fuck.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pants are for mortals
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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