I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
