it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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