You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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