all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
