Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
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if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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