yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
