She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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