You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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