Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He did a backflip because drugs
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
