Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
