I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
