You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
