Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
