I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Two words: blizzard sex
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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