you win again, gameday.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
