Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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