Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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