I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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