Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
