i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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