Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
