If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
