she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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