sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
as a side note pls kill me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
