You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
