Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
