I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
