Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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