I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
