Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
