My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
