there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
