and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
