is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
