I just saw a hot homeless man
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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