I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
