i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
