Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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