I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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