worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
