It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
