Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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