mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
