The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
