I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
