He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
