she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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