So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
