Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
